I grew up in 70's with my single Mom on the east coast of Canada.  A time of: no internet, TV had 7 channels you had to move to change and phones had cords attached to the wall with no voicemail, caller id, or telemarketers.  When the phone rang it was always someone you knew.

As a child I felt and knew we were big inside and connected to every living thing we could see with our eyes and more that we couldn't, but the world around me seemed determined to make us feel small.  Just like most of you, when I was a kid, I knew things, heard things, felt and saw things that everyone around me thought I had no business feeling or knowing,

No one around me really knew anything about intuitive senses, everything was thought of as weird or spooky, at most maybe referred to as ESP (extra sensory perception).  Eastern Canada has a long history with many reported paranormal experiences but nope you couldn’t look it up anything in Webster’s dictionary or encyclopaedia Britannica.  I don’t have a lot of memories from childhood but one of the most common memories I have, is the look of fear on the faces of adults who were freaked out after I said something.  Most times I didn't even realize or fully understand what I had said and no one would explain their reactions, or tell me what the real problem was.  They reacted badly when words with knowing had sometimes seemed to just fall out of my mouth, but I'd be told to: be quiet or act more lady like, or asked: Why do you have to stir up trouble?  Why do you have to say, act, or be like that?  What is wrong with you?  Why do you have to have such a bigmouth? Usually ending off with telling me to me to stop doing that, don’t do it again and go away somewhere.  

Many of us have had difficult times in childhood and I like all of you when we were kids are innocent with our giant open hearts on our sleeves, loving everything and often saying things to our families who were used to and wanted to or chose to, hide their thoughts and feelings.  Kids feel more than they think, and all of us were one of them at some point, but kids feel, period.  Kids actually have to learn how to think and work with their bodies but they feel with their instincts for a long while first.  I remember I was often told often to be quiet and stop being so challenging but children do not intentionally do that.  For me, life turned upside down and childhood came crashing down at 8 yrs old within a short time span of a few months when I lost 2 beings I dearly loved that both died dramatically and unexpectedly.

One spring day I came home from school to find my very best friend in the whole world cut down and in pieces across our backyard.  A very large and mature willow tree I named Wil and who was always there when there was no one else to talk to or play with and someone with whom I spent many hours with every day.  At that time it was approached very logically for it might fall on the house and it was only a tree they said, and so I received no previous warning or compassion or support about the loss of my dear friend afterwards.  Then that fall, just after starting a new grade and the morning after an evening at a family wedding, I woke up and found the center of my whole world, my 28yr old mother who had passed away and was on our kitchen floor.

My mother’s family had a very hard time with this and although the pillar of my world was gone, unfortunately I did not receive a lot of compassion or support.  Not because no one cared but because no one knew how.  My grandparents had 4 children and now 2 of them were gone before they were 55, a son who was 12 at the time and my mother, 28.  Their only way of being able to cope and deal with the loss was to never really speak about her again, no sharing of stories, pictures or memories.  I don't mean to make them sound cold but yes in their grief they sort of forgot that their daughter had a little girl, who still needed compassion, support and laughter, to play, get dirty and ask a thousand questions.  For them, it hurt too much to remember her, to speak about her and remember her ways and mannerisms.  Little did I know until years later that I had bore most of her traits all my life, the voice, the laugh, the smile, and the attitude.  Things I didn’t know had reminded my family of my mother and that she wasn’t there but I didn’t put the pieces together about the various reactions I received until I was an adult.

I struggled to feel and stay connected with my mother; I was losing my few memories, what she sounded like, how she acted and even what she looked like.  I tried to hang onto the belief that she still existed and I would get to be with her again someday.  I distinctly remember within weeks of her passing of being really angry with her because she didn't visit me as a Spirit or a ghost was probably more the thinking at 8yrs old.  I wanted to understand more and I felt she and we all, still existed after death but there had been nothing there to support it.  At the same time, talking with my imaginary friends, or Spirit Guides I realize now, was also getting me in trouble.  I heard whispers of; she is having a full on conversation with no one there, maybe put her on medication or maybe ship off to doctors.  I lost my whole support system and completely shut down out of fear and a need for survival.

I never lost my weird and have always been wondering about weird shit.  When I was in high school a man named Bob Lazar had come forward on the news, saying he was someone who worked on the propulsion system of an alien spacecraft.  I still remember how it blew my mind when they asked him to prove it, and he casually said, “Well it works using gravity, or more like anti-gravity, but we don’t even know what gravity really is and we as humanity certainly don’t know how to produce it”.  Boom.. mind blown, me in a little ass town in New Brunswick, thought everyone had heard about and knew about this, most of my life until the new documentary release of this 30yrs later, but no one wanted to talk about it and shortly after the Gulf War took over the news.  After college I sold all I owned, drove to the far side of the country in a van with 3 adults, a child and a cat.  Within a year, only the cat and I were left and I went into the computer field and the corporate world for 20yrs.  I was a computer geek and then moved into operations and managed ultra geeks. The work was logical analytical, fixable, exciting and new, but not until afterwards did I realize an area of never ending problems, little gratitude and considerable stress with and expectation to be a workaholic. I was there for the literal transition of people moving from the world of doing their jobs on paper onto computers and the release of the internet and there was a lot of resistance to the change. I kept moving forward on the bleeding edge of new technology and tapping out just before the smart phone explosion, when the computer with a camera landed in the hands of the masses.

Even though I was in the world of the new technology, I discovered how closed minded even our culture was when I saw my first UFO in 1997 and tried to communicate with others about it.  I was in the world of constant new information, connected with the latest and greatest and up to date on things happening and new trends but no one wanted to hear about my experience or talk about it.  Regardless of the backlash, I kept wondering, hoping, searching, seeming a little weird and always seeking and wanting to believe in more.  Now it amazes me how much of that work in the computer field relates to this new world of working with people and Spirit. Funny too how at that time that so many people thought it was weird for me to be so connected to everything, aware of so many random things, yet now, the rest of the world is connected on a whole different extreme and find it normal, and now it’s being weird for being a channel for Spirit and stepped back from media and technology and not being connected all the time.  LOL.

Long before working with Spirit I called myself labels like a confused Catholic or an angry feeler.  I was frustrated and exhausted from feeling bombarded, overwhelmed and dragged down from feeling everyone's feelings around me.  When I tried to ask others if they felt or noticed the same things, many called me overly sensitive or too emotional and I didn’t realize this was coming from others who were making every effort not to feel their feelings, let alone anyone noticing someone else’s feelings.  I remember in my mid 20’s, early in my computer career, someone actually asked/said to me in a very aggressive tone: “Carrie – have you not been desensitized by television yet?” I could only reply with a meek “No”.  In that moment when I did however, I also resolved in that moment that I wasn’t going to allow it to happen to me in the future either.  Tired of trying to translate what people were saying versus the feeling of what I was receiving, or what they were doing, I lost touch with my own feelings and stuffed them down.

Luckily I came across the label empath years before hearing about or working on mediumship or channelling.  It initially helped me realize this energy transfer idea was a real thing and I was not the only one.  It resonated with me so much it started a journey of healing and trying to get back in touch with my own feelings again.  What I quickly found however, was that there wasn’t any information on how to handle it, how to have healthy energetic boundaries or how to be out there and still be ok.  It validated what I was going through but there was no talk of any tools to use other than protection. That is not a tool coming from space of love, but comes from a place of fear.  We all need alone time and seclude ourselves at times in order to recharge but we are not meant to be secluded away or isolate ourselves as much as we may think or feel we want to.  Empaths are the energy transformers that lighten dense energies and sometimes we are meant to be out there transforming energy around us, just by being there.

​