I am acknowledging this energetic being because thanks to a Pegasus and 2 beings I lost in childhood, my single mother and a big old willow Tree, were all fundamental and instrumental in helping me move away from the logical analytical doubting mind & opening my heart to who I am. The messages they shared could have come from no one else but them. Remember the logo and intro for the movie maker Tri-Star pictures? It was a Pegasus that galloped at the screen full speed and started to launch? My heart soars every single time I’ve see it. I never understood why that had always given me the chills until I had these experiences in meditation as an adult with a Pegasus and my mom. My experiences with them allowed me to fully open my heart back up to the Elementals and many other Spirit Guide re-connections. There is so much love, joy and healing in reconnecting with all of them again.
Like all Elementals and unlike the Angels, the Pegasus has free will, ego and judgement. I feel they are physically extinct beings and they will not connect with those who are ruled by egocentric minds. No Spirit Guides are allowed to interfere with our free will and all earth dwellers on this planet & those associated with Gaia have ego and free will.
I unfortunately learned about death and loss very harshly when I was a little girl with 3 incidents that all happened closely together. I was about 7 when during the summer I was walking my large Doberman and he stepped off the curb and was hit by a car. That next spring, I came home one day from school to find my very best friend, a willow tree, I had cleverly named Will, had been cut down and laying in pieces on the back lawn. That same year in the fall, one morning after a family wedding, I woke up to find my mom who was in her 20’s, had passed away and was on our kitchen floor. A pivotal point of losing my connection with Spirit and growing up, as now survival mode counted and kicked in.
Before these times, I could sense and talk with many different etheric beings of light, or Spirit Guides, from different realms. I felt connected with and loved everything and everyone, and I talked to all of them. It is this reason why we hear on our journeys on the path of our re-awakening, is to “Return to having the heart of a child”. Why? We loved, we were open with open hearts, and we trusted and knew we were connected to everything. We are not only humans having and seeking spiritual experiences, we are Spirits having and seeking human experiences and when we were children, we were more Spirit than Human.
My mother was a working single mom, a tough job in the 70's. We moved around a lot, I was babysat by a lot of different people and aware of far too many things about adult lifestyles from the many people that came into our lives for short periods of time. We moved into a tiny house with a large yard when I was 5, and I spent a lot of time alone. Will, my tree friend, was my very best friend. He was big, old, wide, tall, hard and soft all at the same time. He was always there whenever I needed him, a steady friend who lived in the backyard in the sun, rain, and snow. Whether I was happy, or sad, or scared or confused, the world underneath those long soft branches that whisked in the wind, was a magical world of love, safety and light. I felt I needed to touch him, talk to him, lean on him or climb up him, often and every day. He carried a massive loving and calming energy, had deep wisdom and humour, and was a light bearer and an anchor of light. No one would acknowledge my loss when I cried and I told them that they had cut down my best friend, that I didn’t know this was going to happen and I never got to say goodbye. They told me I was being too emotional, it was just a tree, and so no one consoled me, talked to me about it or held me to comfort me from the loss. For in the minds of the adults, my mother, her boyfriend and few friends that were there, the tree was simply a thing, a risk to the house that blocked the whole backyard of light. To them it had just made sense to cut down the tree and get rid of it, so there was no reason to cry about it.
For me the pain was very real. Later on when my mother died, she had been my whole world, and when my family reacted the very same way with me due to their own grief, it was part of my shut down from the energies of feeling connected with all, into the energies of feeling alone, fearful and switching into survival mode.
I did not receive a lot of consoling about my mother from my Grandparents as they had already lost another child previously, actually when he was a child, and the death of my mother was just too much for them to handle. As I mentioned in the about me section, my family really struggled with the loss of my mother and so they never spoke of her or tried to keep her memories alive. Their way of dealing with the loss was to not deal with it, ignore it, not talk about her, not bring up memories, and not show any of her old photos, because it hurt too much. I’ve never seen any pictures of my mother from her childhood or early adult years. My Grandmother says my Mom destroyed most of them because she hated pictures of herself and I knew that was at least partly true because she sure didn’t like to have her picture taken when I was around her. I have about 10 pictures of her and it is hard to say you know someone or what they really look like from a flat photo.
Now as the adult I don't have many memories of my mother and as a child I didn't get to know her as an actual person. I felt I didn’t know anything about her, like if she was a chocolate or vanilla, summer or winter, pasta or potatoes, pie or cake, pudding or rock candy, kind of person. I remembered she liked disco, and so do I... LOL. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized that I sound like her, I talk like her and I laugh like her, and that many of the bad reactions I received as a child was because I reminded people of her, and that she was supposed to be here.
Experiencing the death of my mother felt like it ripped me away from Spirit, and then 30+ years later after experiencing the death of my mother in law, that death brought it all back again. Transitioning out of a career in corporate IT at the time, a synchronicity? Or part of the plan before I came here? I had never heard the actual words for the intuitive senses, or mediumship, or channeling, until shortly after that experience, and the first time I did, I tell people it was almost like literal bells and whistles went off throughout my entire body. My ears rang, I saw lights, I felt light headed and tingly, and I had physical goose bumps and tingles all over my entire body, everywhere. I had no idea what was happening, other than I had to learn more.
I have almost always felt a little different than others, like a weirdo, for wanting to believe in more. I had so many questions, wonders, feelings and hopes that Spirit truly existed beyond what I understood. I wondered if I was good enough, did magic exist, does Spirit exist, do we exist after death, and what's the deal with energy? How about those UFO's I've seen? Once I realized that we truly can communicate and connect with Spirit, not just hope or wonder about it as an adult, and that it was actually something that had been a part us our whole lives I was relieved and excited. A huge part of my drive about re-connecting with my own intuition, healing and growth stemmed from wanting a relationship with and to get to know my own Mother. When I first started practicing and working with mediumship I had connections with many of my Spirit Guides, but it took a while to connect with my mother. It was disappointing & frustrating yes, but after a while I realized that there was a lot of healing I needed to allow to happen first.
When we are working with something so close and so personal, know that it often takes a while for things to develop, as we have learning and healing to do within ourselves. So don’t get discouraged, keep doing it. I was having mediumship connections with other people’s passed over loved ones but struggled with connecting with my own. I was also having amazing connections with Angels, Dragons, animals and the Fairies in meditations, but not my parents. I had more work to do with my struggling logical brain and my own self worth. I used to be a computer geek for over 20yrs so I understand the logical analytical operational brain. I too have watched a lot of fantasy, sci-fi movies, read the books, watched the cartoons that included magic and wondered if any of it was real. I had been on this path for a little over a year, going to circles and classes multiple times a week and I’ll admit I was getting frustrated wondering why couldn’t I connect with my Mother, or father even who had died in my 20’s. Feelings and issues had to come up from my past that I had to work on, move through and heal within myself first.
Then after a series of experiences over a 3 week period of attending our regular development circle, all the doubt was gone. This one night, we’ll say week 1, it finally happened and my Mother came. It was completely unexpected and a huge surprise, and to be honest, really confusing at the time. I don't have a lot of memories of my Mom and when she came the first time, she also came with a very large white Pegasus.
I didn't realize until afterwards that this was a pivotal moment for me in my growth, healing and learning. In that moment I was pretty sure it was her but I barely remembered what she looked like, and because she was a little ways off in the distance I wasn’t sure, I literally went through a little mini battle between my head and my heart. It felt like her, and my heart was racing inside my chest. My heart: “My heart feels so big and full of love, I feel like that's my Mom over there, wow I think that's her, it’s Mom and she’s finally here!”. Then my brain caught up. My head: “Wait a minute she’s standing there with a flying horse and flying horses don't exist, Pegasus aren’t real, you must be making this up.” My heart: “But, I really feel like that’s Mom over there next to that Pegasus, I’m sure I can feel it’s her, I am so excited”. My head: “Horses with wings are not real; this is not real and is all in your imagination”. My heart: “No I feel like this is real, I know I am meditating but I can feel my physical heart and body, that that’s my Mom over there, I know it”. My head: “Nope you’re just making this all up”.
In these moments I had to decide; would I allow it and continue? Or would I logic it all away and stop the experience? My heart: “Ok fine, so what, shut up brain, that’s my Mom and I don’t care if this is my imagination, I am going over there”. I didn’t realize this was an important moment, to be torn between the brain and the heart, thinking and feeling, wondering if it’s all make believe, and what makes sense to my logical mind versus feelings. I chose in that moment to let go, to let it happen, and to think about it later if I wanted. I ran over to her and we embraced, we then touched the Pegasus together and there were no words spoken. We then both got on the back of that Pegasus, and she took off into the air over a moonlit body of water, dumped us into the water below, and who joined us after circling a few times. We all played together, and I got to laugh, splash and giggle with my Mom for the first time in over 30 years. In that moment my heart and my head were both so very happy.
I came out of that meditation in tears, a smile on my face, my heart full of love and racing with joy. Then my head immediately tried to do its thing, and poo poo all over the experience, that it wasn't real with its doubting, and logical, critical thinking. My head: “Flying horses are not real, they do not exist”. I actively had to shrug it off, “Humph, well so what brain? It was awesome”. I then told it out right, to “Be quiet”, I felt too good and I wasn’t going to let it poop on my parade. Throughout that whole next week I would randomly think of my Mom and catch myself with a huge smile. My heart: “Yay! My Mom came to see me!” I also noticed that when I caught myself thinking about the Pegasus, that my forehead had the front bum indent from confusion and was telling my head to be quiet.
The 2nd week at circle when I went into my sacred space, my Mom was waiting there with the Pegasus again. This time was a very short yet transformative visit. Immediately my logical brain tried to interrupt again and tell me that I had better things to do, and that I should be doing something else because flying horses are not real. Again I found I had to be harsh towards my own mind: “Listen brain you be quiet, we’re going to see what happens and you can think later”. I swear I heard my own mind say “Fine then”, in a sarcastic tone.
I went over and embraced my Mom and as we touched the Pegasus together I heard my Mom speak words for the first time, my Mom: “I am really sorry about your Tree, now I know how much he meant to you”. I immediately had a physical and emotional reaction about the tree, and shed tears during the mediation. I was also immediately shocked at how much she sounded like me; and I came out of that week’s meditation with tears rolling down my cheeks, crying and laughing with joy. My heart was singing and my brain was hurting, and I had a huge smile on my face.
For the first time ever in my life, someone had acknowledged the loss of my tree friend. My heart: “Wow my Mom came again and she apologized and knows how much I loved Will and what he really meant to me. And gee, that beautiful white winged horse was with her again”. I hadn’t thought about that tree in such a long time, I forgot I missed him for so long, I was happy and sad all at the same time, and my brain was confused. No one had mentioned that tree for even longer than anyone had mentioned my mother since she died: My Heart: “This is definitely my Mom, who else would know to mention something that would touch such a deep heart string other than her? She was the only one there... Hey... note to self, brain”. My Head: “Psst, hey you just made all of that up; you know Pegasus’s are not real”. My Heart: “Nope I don’t think so brain, so you be quiet and stop doing that”. That whole next week, I would randomly think of that willow tree, my mom, and the Pegasus and catch myself with a huge smile.
The 3rd week in circle, I was excited and maybe because I had so much expectation and anticipation about my Mom being there, was why she wasn’t there this time, but someone else was. I went into my sacred space or my inner sanctuary and saw a very clear visual of Will, my very large tree friend planted right there in the middle of my space. Again I had an immediate physical reaction with tears. I felt so much joy reconnecting with someone who I thought I had lost forever, and had maybe at one point even tried to convince myself he was “just a tree”. My heart: “Oh wow Will! I’m so glad you’re here”. I immediately ran over and hugged him with my arms wrapped around as much of his trunk as I could reach.
An amazing thing happened next. All of a sudden, lots of long soft branches that were hanging down to the ground came up and softly wrapped all around me. They lifted me up along his trunk up to the top, where I then heard the message: “Thank you for loving me and I have always known you loved me. Know that I am grateful we are reconnected now and that I love you too”. My heart almost exploded in joy: “Oh man, my Mom, the Pegasus and now Will, this is so amazing! Wow, my tree friend really came, and he knows that I love him and he loves me too, and my Mom even recognized how important he was to me”. I came out of that meditation again, crying with tears of joy. I felt the healing moving through me, through time and space and touching the little girl heart within. My head: “Gee, I wonder where Mom and the Pegasus were?" There really are so many beings here to help us learn, heal and grow. Wow the magic is real!” My brain definitely had a nicer tone this time when I heard, “Hmmmm, well how about that, guess we’ll believe”. Will is now always in my inner space and the first Spirit Guide to now greet me when I arrive.
I share this story to show the others the potential struggle of being caught up in our minds and our old thoughts and beliefs as we start on our paths. To help others recognize we have to choose what we are willing to allow. We are often put in a position of; will we have faith and allow? Or, will we not allow without logical proof? Many people don’t realize that as a society we have been taught and literally trained to be doubting and critical of ourselves and everything around us. It is reinforced to think with our brain and to not trust our hearts or feelings because we might get hurt. Our heart is the key to who we truly are within, and within us, is everything. I hope others do not have to be as harsh on themselves like I had to be with myself in the beginning, but it did help treating my brain as a separate being that I talked at.
There is more information out there about the Pegasus or other animals and can search for Spirit animals or Animal Totems. For me I feel the Pegasus represents our journey back to joy and reminds us to live from the essence of who we are without restrains or fears of the past, or about being judged in the present. With the power of the horse and the mobility of wings, they encourage us to rise up and aspire to great heights, to express happiness and freedom, and to live our lives at our highest vibrations where the possibilities are endless.
It is because of this story and a few others, why I tell people in readings and group meditations that part of my job is to; "Hurt people's heads with new information and tickle people's hearts with remembering”. It’s a great job and I love it. :)
Check under Spirit Stuff for information about lots of other guides or articles about Spirit Guides or being multidimensional in general, look under Human Stuff for the intuitive senses, changing our thinking, empath etc. or under Earth Stuff for some nerdy stuff like elements, Gaia and more.