Remember: If we believe it is possible, then it is and if we believe it is impossible, then it is.
As a fellow logical, responsible, analytical, capable, intelligent human and now as a channel for Spirit this topic is one of my favourite things to talk, share, learn and teach about through my own experiences and with others in readings or group classes and meditations. To help other people realize they are not alone either and help them re-connect with their own Spirit Guides for guidance, support and love is a wonderful experience. Sharing this here, allows and encourages others adults to maybe start to allow their own re-connections, reminding and encouraging them to acknowledge or remember our imaginary, special, or invisible friends.
If you’ve looked around the site you’ll have seen this a few times. WE are multi-dimensional beings who have lived thousands of lives, not all of them as humans not all of them in this dimension nor all of them on this planet. WE have always existed and we will always exist. We are not only humans with physical senses we are also spirits with intuitive senses. The animals and humans we have loved and who have lived and died in this lifetime with us still exist. Love never dies. WE have loved and been loved in all lifetimes everywhere and Spirit Guides are our Family of Light, and many of us have lived in past lives as humans with our guides and many of us have lived in past lives as the same type of being as our guides with and among them. We’ve been elements, plants, animals, Angels, Dragons, Fairies, Star People and more that are with us and have loved us in many lifetimes, us beings of light who have had many forms. We’re now trying to learn how to awaken without having go through the physical experience of death and become Ascended Masters in physical form.
Spirit Guides are friends and family and some of them were physical at one time and are currently etheric, some of them can step between the physical and the etheric worlds, some are physical somewhere else and others are pure energy and all connect with us telepathically and through our intuitive senses. After allowing ourselves to unlearn things we've been taught or thought to be true, working on changing our thinking, allowing new ideas and the healing to move through us, and because we have stepped into faith and believe of existence beyond ourselves, they can then at times show us physical evidence. These energetic beings that are multi-dimensional, inter-dimensional, cross dimensional, different frequencies or light beings who are here to help humanity and present themselves to us in a way that we can relate to and are willing to let them, and not be afraid.
There are so many types of Spirit Guides who are here with us to help us in all of the situations we may find ourselves in, that I feel I can not acknowledge them all, but will list some of them here to bring them further into awareness: Ancestors, Angels, Animals, Ascended Masters, Crystals, Deceased family or friends, Deities, Dragons, Fairies, Gnomes, Galactic people, Gatekeepers, Healers, Helpers, Higher Self, Messengers, Past life family or friends, Plants, Protectors, Teachers, Unicorns, and God/ Source/ Great Spirit/ Infinite Presence... yep, pretty sure I missed a bunch.
We are not only Humans with physical senses having and seeking spiritual experiences but we are also Spirits with intuitive senses having and seeking human experiences. Everything that lives on this planet is a conscious and sentient being and all conscious and sentient beings have access to energetic support systems for energetic support that is connected with us and all that is. The animal, plant, crystal, mineral and human kingdoms of Gaia all have access to energetic support and humans can choose to connect with all that they want to, or not, with their own free will and beliefs. If we wonder why we might even have so many energetic beings connected with all realms of life here on Gaia, this has historically been an energetically dense place that humans have been resisting from pulling themselves up and out of. Humans have a long history that accepts that service to self is normal and acceptable and many have wanted to dominate, decimate, conquer and exterminate nature places, their residents and natural resources. We may wonder why there are Spirit Guides available to help us and the other conscious sentient beings on the planet, but for example when we have wanted medicine or something to write on or build with, we cut it down, or when we want a crystal, we blew it up, or we wanted an animal for a body part or trophy and hunted some to near extinction.
Spirit Guides are beings who agreed to be here with us to help us and also grow with us, while we live a physical existence here on Earth, also known as Gaia. Few are ready to come out and say “Yes I can see into other worlds and interact with other beings”. I hold a space and stand forward so that others can realize they can, and do, too. For when we all realize more about the multi-dimensional beings that we all really are and become empowered in it, we can also realize the endless possibilities of utopia while here on Gaia. My hope and I feel part of my mission is that this will also have the effect of adults supporting the children who are connecting with Spirit Guides already, told to us as imaginary friends, by helping adults understand and remember, and not be so fearful or think their child is weird. Kids are more connected with Spirit world than the physical world for a while and weird really is the new normal. We are all unique but have been told to conform and fit in to some standard of normal that does not exist. I do my work in a psychic school and to help break the ice, I often say to people “Hey it’s okay, you can ask me anything I won’t judge, this is where fellow weirdo’s come to unite”.
It makes me smile helping other intelligent and logical adults realize and acknowledge that our imaginary friends are actually our invisible friends and the Angels, Ascended Masters, Dragons, Elementals, Galactic beings and more are actually real. They may not be physical, although many of them were or are elsewhere and they are mostly invisible to most adults, many children do see Spirit Guides because they are in their heart space and not in their heads like an adult, and talk with them already. They talk with them until they are told numerous times from adults around them to stop doing that, or to grow up or we only talk to people we can see in front of us, because it embarrasses or confuses the adult. This is why in many teachings about spiritual awareness and ascension we may hear or read “Have the heart of a child”. For when we are like a child we are open, present, joyful, full of wonder, sense endless possibilities and see abundance for self and all others.
Although we are all learning about changing our thinking, our society can feel lonely and alienating but we are not alone, we believe we are because we are told and physically shown we are over and over. So many humans feel alone, confused and separate from the people around them which can lead to anger, sadness, stress and depression. I do not understand; why our society has been taught to feel this for so long or why information and cooperation have been suppressed or why so many people want to control others for greed or money. Our religions created confusion and a belief that God is a being outside of us and that others are better or more worthy than we are. Leaving a gap in our hearts that lead us to feel; alone, unloved, lost, like we do not fit in anywhere and a longing for joy, connection, peace and love that we do not deserve to have. If we knew we were constantly surrounded by the support of benevolent beings that love us immensely, it could change everything for someone, it did for me.
Many mediums, or channels for Spirit, concentrate on connecting with people’s passed over loved ones and they are the first beings to come forward to connect with the human in front of them for healing through proof of life after death. Although I can do that and my own motivation when I started was to get to know my own mother who died in childhood, early on in my healing and mediumship work Spirit Guides connected with me and others I read for first. They readily stepped forward as I allowed more as they too have been waiting for a long time to reconnect with us, their beloved human friend or family. I do connect with peoples loved ones for messages of love and support, it's just I have to ask their Spirit Guides to step back so that we can call their loved ones to step forward. I really love working with Spirit and share with others that letting ourselves have fun and allowing brings back the wonder and fascination and lets more growth and healing happen faster.
Know that everyone has Spirit Guides, no exceptions. Whether we believe in them, know about them, acknowledge them, get to know them, spend time with them or work with them or not is our own free will choice. We Humans are energetic beings living here on Earth/Gaia in a physical vessel at this time. All of us have benevolent energetic beings that support us while we are here living a physical existence. Many people are starting to realize they have lived before and have had past lives, even though re-incarnation is only a part of some of the religions around the world. I know I mentioned this already but am going to repeat it: Many of us have lived many human lives on earth, many of us have lived here as an element or an animal, many of us have also lived lives as other beings in other dimensions of Earth, many of us have also lived as beings on other planets, many of us have lived in other places in the galaxy and in other galaxies and not all of those lives have been lived as a humans. Hurts our brains a little bit but it tickles our hearts. Understanding and feeling that helps us when we wonder where Spirit Guides come from and are they real?
Know that none of our Spirit Guides are allowed to interfere with our free will, nor can they give us all the answers or make any decisions of action for us. They will not tell us what to do, when to do it by or make any sort of demands at all, and if you're connecting with an energetic being that does, they are not be a guide but a family member or someone else. We are here having this physical experience and we must live it and make our own choices by learning how to follow our hearts with our intuitive senses. Guides can simply try to guide us along the path that we chose to take before coming here and they my place opportunities before us or give us a different perspective so we can choose to take an action or not. Some people do get frustrated by some of the non logical answers they receive from Spirit Guides, but those types of answers often help us open to new learning and change our perspective, if we allow it.
We are benevolent beings of light that are here living this life as this human at this time and decisions are our own choices, and this is a benevolent Universe supporting the greater good of all. There is a real simplicity in our connection with our Spirit Guides and it just takes some time to practice and master. The block of communicating with Spirit Guides is on our end mostly because we don't know whether it is okay to believe in them or like many other things we make it overly complicated and assume we can’t do it right. We do not need to make a certain ritual, do a certain thing a certain way or feel like we could not be good enough to have helpers, because all of us have them. Know that all of us humans, every single one of us are supported by the Angels.
To interact with our Spirit Guides, simply talk to them. I will just tell you right away that; yes, in the beginning, you will wonder if you are just making this all up, and that’s okay, just keep pushing past the doubt and allow. Ask them for their help and guidance. Ask them for signs. Use the power of intention and it will come in due time. When we throw out a question to the super-conscious mind our Spirit Guides will find a way to show us an answer. Guides really want to re-connect as much as we do, as they can then continue the work and play their role by helping us with further growth, as they agreed to do before we came here. Their role for us humans, is to help the Spirit who is here having a 3d physical existence on Gaia, to enhance and lighten our experience here. When our Spirit Guides get to do this, it also helps them continue to grow in their learning as well, because when we catch up they get to go receive further guidance on how to help us further. Tap into them and work with them. Some of the roadblocks can be cleared simply by recognizing the power of intention and empowerment. We each have the rights, permissions and the authority to do this and we are all very able, capable and permitted to communicate with Spirit. It is part of who we are. We must push our way beyond wondering if we believe, wondering if they are really there, wondering if we can, wondering if we are allowed; push through and don't let anything hold us back. Learn about the words for intuitive senses and let your logical mind digest and process how you communicate energetically.
What do we then do with information we receive? Take time for reflection, contemplation, healing or action. If we are given insights on what to do, trust with faith and follow through. Knowing that all advice from Spirit Guides will feel good and they will not tell you exactly what to do or push any deadline upon us. It may make us nervous because we don’t think we have the courage or ability, but that’s fear talking, listen to those butterflies we feel and that says yes this is s good thing to do. After we have stepped into faith we will often receive proof of its validity afterwards and sometimes just beforehand. We may not like it and our logical mind may try to argue it, but doing anything less is what we have always done out of fear. This is also the way to strengthen our connection. We reach out for guidance, we receive some, we struggle in our minds, we push past the struggle and move forward and take action in faith, and it usually goes better than we ever expected. At that point, your inner Spirit or higher self and your Spirit Guides celebrate. When we know they are there and they know we are willing to trust and love, the 2 way bond gets stronger. Move forward in faith and believe that your Spirit Guides love you and are with you and guiding you.
Many people have started to let themselves wonder and learn and about Spirit Guides, some have even learned that they have 1 or 2 Spirit Guides and then stick with them. This is wonderful and there is no judgment on that beautiful and major step, but a big part of why I created this website is to break apart the chains we have wrapped around our minds and our hearts wide open. For all those who are wondering about themselves and if there is more our physical life than we’ve been taught to believe. What if I told you that we all have hundreds of Spirit Guides? Many of whom we may not ever meet or will work with directly, but they are there. My hope is that it helps others feel completely loved, guided and supported.
We spirits who came here to be humans are honored by our Spirit Guides simply because we are willing to live a life here. Earth has been a tough place for an energetic being, especially empaths, to thrive for a long time as the energies have been dense and fairly negative. Add to that societies worldwide have taught the human they are alone, small, weak, not good enough, not worthy, to look outside to others for leadership, listen to someone else who knows better for whatever reason and worship a God that will judge us and is outside ourselves. This has gone on for generations and been etched into who we are, yet it is not who we are.
This is part of the wonderful change that is happening. People everywhere are starting to wonder beyond themselves, beyond religions, beyond social norms, beyond what is on the media, beyond what they have been taught or done in the past and starting to realize we are all magnificent beings in physical form. We all want peace, joy, happiness and abundance for all. We are allowed to claim it, own it, wear it, and BE it.
We came here to be connected with all that is as well as touch things, smell and taste things. Many of the Ascended Masters try to remind us of this, this time we're the ones becoming the masters in form. Jesus comes through in readings a lot to try to get through that as much as we are taught about how magnificent he is, he came to be an example to me, you and everyone else on this planet, so that people everywhere, all of us, could have an example of how magnificent WE all really are and what WE all can really do and be. Yes, we should be able to play with the elements, walk on water, change water into wine, manifest energy into form but we have lost the faith in ourselves that we can and the knowledge how. A big reason for that was because at some point in time we decided collectively that only that one special guy from wherever could do that.
Know that if we don't believe in Spirit Guides, magic, joy, happiness or anything else really, we will never find it. We are the ones who plant the seeds in our mind and we choose if they grow into flowers or weeds. One of the common concepts that came from all the religious confusion was "have faith in the unseen, that you are supported by and can communicate with it". Faith that there is something bigger that supports all of us all and that we are all a part of it, that we are deeply loved and at some point we will receive proof. If we let ourselves believe, we will receive the proof, but it is our job to allow and accept this within ourselves and start to consider life this way versus; we won't believe it unless it is proven to us for us to see it in black and white first. Now whether that proof is given to us in a clear, logical, linear or step like in the way that we’ve been taught to expect how life works, is a different story. Our expectations around that often hinder our own growth and understanding.
This may sound strange but I was stunned when I realized as an adult at how influential and relevant television shows like Sesame Street, The Muppets, Mork & Mindy and Star Trek were for me in childhood. These reflected inter-species cooperation and connections that were being accepted and normal in these places. There used to be so much more diversity, variety and interesting television but now it seems that creativity and truth are contained and streamlined. Those who saw Sesame Street in the 70's and early 80's may remember; Frank N. & Stein, the two headed purple monster dealing with cooperation and who sounded out words, F-UN? The Martians who came down to the window who were scared of and then imitated the noises of phones, clocks and consulted the Earth Book? Herry Monster, the blue monster who interacted with real children, that was really clumsy and didn't know his own strength? Grover, the cute and friendly monster that turned into a super hero to help children, but usually injured himself and the child ended up figuring it out themselves? The Twiddlebugs, the talking lady bugs who lived in the flower box and always found a way to solve their problems? The most relevant Muppet character to me was Mr. Snuffleupagus, also knows as Snuffy, was a very large friend of Big Bird's that was being labelled by everyone else as his “imaginary friend”. This character remained on the show that way from 1971-1985 before he was finally revealed to be an actual real physical being to all the characters on Sesame Street. For those of you who don’t know, Snuffy is a huge woolly mammoth and fairly difficult to hide but whenever an adult came on to the scene, he would walk away off the screen or he would come on the screen right after the adults had left. The adults would tease Big Bird that he was just his imaginary friend, and they were frustrated with him for it and felt that he blamed an imaginary friend for things, or lying about what happened instead of taking responsibility for it himself, that he just made it all up to avoid getting in trouble and that he wasn’t real.
At the time, I was communicating with Animals, Angels, Fairies and Dragons, some of them very large and also being told the same thing from the adults in my life. Not that they did things to get me in trouble but I did often get distracted from doing things I was supposed to by talking to them. My mom died during this time as well and I was barely hanging on to my connections with Spirit and had already started distancing myself from connecting with beings that others couldn't see. I was getting in trouble for talking with beings that the adults around me couldn't see or feel and I really I had to stop for my own safety. It’s not a good thing when people start to talk of medications or sending to the psychiatric ward. Things were continuing to happen on TV shows that sort of kept my hopes up somewhat for a little while. Mork & Mindy was a television show where Mork was an extraterrestrial, or alien, that looked very human and traveled here from outer space in a spaceship shaped like an egg. Mork was meeting and engaging with people not only on that show but as well as in 2 other televisions show called Happy Days and Laverne & Shirley. For those of you that do not remember the iconic comedian Robin Williams played Mork as star of the show and was unknown at the time. Mork had the saying "Nanu Nanu" while Spock was on Star Trek using the same hand gesture as a Vulcan salute, but using the words "Live long and prosper". Ah Star Trek, exploring the galaxies, abiding by a code of conduct set forth by the United Federation of Planets, with Captain Kirk's little interludes of adult sleepovers while meeting a wide variety of Galactic beings, or star people we should say. Most of them are benevolent, a few of them malevolent and a lot of them who were indifferent.
A few years after my mother died, Snuffleupagus then became a real or actual character on Sesame Street and the adults finally believed Big Bird, apologized, and told them they would believe the things he told them in the future. Of course, through the logical thinking of a child, shouldn't and couldn't I be able to expect the same thing to happen for me in my life? I remembered this time as a child when I got really fired up in my bedroom with my wrists on my hips and a full on attitude, “Okay everyone that's it, it is time to step out now and show yourselves. I'm done defending and arguing that you exist while having no one believe me and thinking I am crazy. Just show up for real right now, right here in front of me so I can introduce you to everyone”. My Grandmother was upset with me for talking out loud to "no one" again, and I think that was one of the last times I spoke out loud as a child to Spirit.
Life is not a television show no matter how much inspired, and my imaginary friends, Spirit Guides, did not reveal themselves. As an adult working on my channeling and mediumship skills, I was remembered this moment from childhood that at that time I was still very mad at my Mom for not showing herself to me either. I couldn’t explain why then but at 8 yrs old and this age around 11 and longer, I believed that my mom should be able to re-appear in front of me like a ghost or like how Our Lady Fatima did, also known as Mother Mary, with those children in Portugal and I was really angry at her for not doing so. I was feeling very put out and genuinely quite upset, frustrated and disappointed and this was the point where I closed the door to connections with energetic beings for a long while. Not that they actually left or weren't always there but I closed that door to open conscious communications until later as an adult. When that happened I realized they had always been there guiding me and even though I had felt for a long time like something was missing, but what was missing was me.
In meditation, we can call forward those we are ready to connect with at this time or a specific being such as Archangel Michael. Know that we are powerful humans that can call forward and connect with whomever we wish to engage with. As a channel for Spirit, we suggest that everyone set the intention of: “I will only work with those beings of the highest white light and my highest and greatest good”. We have many Spirit Guides, some specific to only us and some are connected with many other humans and beings and it may take some time if that involves reconnecting with a loved one who has died; see a related story about my first connection with my mom in the Pegasus link. We can work with guides we have already met or call forward to connect with someone new when we are ready.
Know that by setting our intentions to connect with only those beings of the highest white light for our highest and greatest good then our Spirit Guides get to be in the role of our gatekeepers plus the energies or frequencies that are not of that intention are repelled away. All so that we know we are safe and supported.
First, our powerful intention sets the stage.
Second, because our Spirit Guides can be our guardians acting as gatekeeper that are backing up our intentions.
Third, maybe most relevant for those who may be fearful, know that anything that works with dark energy does not want to be lit up and will automatically be repelled.
Learn discernment by using the intention used above as a question to all that come and then feel them out.
We need to learn about discernment as we grow back into our multidimensional selves as there are many curious beings that may attempt to connect with us simply to see if we can connect with them, so it is most important to trust the feeling of our Spirit Guides. Be sure to feel out and challenge any being that comes to us by simply turning our intention into a question: “Are you here from the highest white light and for my highest and greatest good?” Those that are will immediately respond with a yes in a way we can recognize it and they will not be insulted by the question as they know we are learning how to discern. Any being that won’t answer, hesitates to answer, attempts to distract or answers no, simply let them know you do not want to connect with them and banish them from your presence telling them never to return.
Our curiosity is what gets us in trouble, ours can be as bad as or worse than a cat’s. We don’t realize that what we think about, or wonder about is what we give energy to and open the door to. If it doesn’t feel good or we don’t feel lit up with joy, don’t even be curious about who or what they are, or might be, why or how they came or wonder if you are meant to connect with them because they came. Ah that brain of ours and its questions. Only connect with those beings that are connected with you through love, there are so many of them we will never actually be able to meet with or connect with them all and we don’t need to be curious about others. Call in an Angel when you need help until you know you are strong enough and think of it as turning of the light switch, knowing this is a sign of strength and not a weakness to ask for help to move away from the fear and turn back towards the feeling of love.
We connect with like vibration so if we come from a space of ego and fear, we can attract that kind of energy. Our Spirit Guides are all of a higher vibration so it is important to know we have our own personal backup with our Family of Light. All beings of low vibration can be easily avoided through keeping our own vibration high and setting intentions such as “I will only connect to those beings of the highest white light and for my highest and greatest good.” This is not a brain activity. If the immediate feeling is not accompanied with joy and love, do not trust it or engage with it, simply tell it to go away and do not come back and move on.
Know that dark energies are not even able to continue to work here any longer as the frequencies and vibrations are increasing substantially, unless we are curious about it or want to and choose to with free will. Know that this really is a benevolent Universe that is working in harmony and unity on behalf of all. We are not meant to be scared and so fearful, discern yes but a reality of the problem is that our news media, television shows and movies create a lot of that fear. People laugh that off because tell themselves science fiction, that it’s not real or whatever but that is the reason why we are all hearing so much about changing what we watch and to monitor what we let our children watch. While we watch these things, we absorb energy not realizing it is very difficult to un-see things we have seen, or un-hear the sounds that startled us, even if we know they are created for entertainment and that those actors are paid to project as much real feeling as they possibly can into their roles. I encourage all empaths to curb curiosities, be cautious of what you watch before you are going to bed, stop watching mainstream news and don’t feel wimpy if you feel like you want to turn off television shows or movies that hurts your sensitivity, because we do absorb more than we may realize and then we have to shake it off.
Surprising to some that working with our Spirit Guides is a 2 way learning street, but they are continually learning, growing and expanding just like we are. They have been trying to get through to us via our intuitive senses for a long time but many of us have not been aware of them most of our lives. Our Guides have waited and have only being able to do what they know and are able to work with and what we will allow. Once we start to learn about ourselves, our connections with Spirit and then engage with those energies by taking the time to practice, heal and expand, it can feel like a rocket ship taking off in the beginning. But then comes that time where it feels like it plateaus, it’s not working as good or feels like we took a couple steps backwards even.
This is what people don’t realize is that we come have advanced enough and come to a point that some of our Spirit Guides need to go catch up to us and learn how and in which ways to guide us even better and be an even better guide. This also means its time to take some time to move though feeling and emotions and to all ourselves time to process and integrate the new knowledge, awareness, expansion. Know that most guides however are right there all the time; it is simply us that are integrating, processing, changing our thinking, unlearning what we know learning more about our multidimensionality and adjusting our beliefs. Please do not let your confidence go down if you have been doing the work on your connections, feel really comfortable with them and then it feels like there is a stall. You are not going backwards, you are not doing it wrong, and it’s just that the guidance may be minimal at the time because we are all in a space of learning. I liken it to a set of stairs... sometimes it is our turn to climb the stairs and come to the landing at the top and then when we stop and rest on the landing, then our Spirit Guides are taking the next staircase and when they get to the landing, our learning will then continue and we move further up the stairs.
Know that none of our Spirit Guides really care about the name or “what” we call them, they really only care “that” we call them. We are trying to translate energy vibration to our own language and the easiest way for humans to recall another being is by their name, so the important part it to put our Spirit Guides into our “contact list” by whatever name or word that brings these beings to our awareness, and whatever it is, is good enough. Go with the name you get and they will let you know later if they want you to change it. If you get a simple name, a complicated name, a name of a beloved being you know, or knew, try not to over analyze and doubt, just allow it. It is also up to each one of us to then allow the thought of that name to bring that being to mind, allowing that presence to come forward whether it is in our meditations or in our lives.
Try not to measure your connections with Spirit Guides with anyone else’s be that in either number of guides they’ve connected to or the kinds of experiences they’ve had. We are getting to know who we are and are getting to know them in the right way and at the right time. With time and practice, feeling loved and comfortable our connections will continue to grow, expand and evolve. For example in the beginning Archangel Michael first came to me simply as very large white wings because I associated white wings with Angels. Yet I knew others that connect with a human looking being with wings and the interesting part is that for some a blond haired, silver chest plate and white winged man, for others a long black haired, black leather pants and chest armor with black wings man, and now for me, comes as a rainbow light with a hint of purple. Time, practice and patience... there is that swear word patience again. Often the pulls through our hearts and the intuitive sense tingles are either our higher self or our Spirit Guides, trying to guide us or get us to pay attention. Then our mind attempts to logic, doubt and analyze it away because doesn't like that answer, does not understand the answer in black in white, do not want to accept it or do not like it. A reminder they would never guide us to hurt us or put us in situations we cannot handle, they are trying to encourage us to step onto our paths, move through our fears and move forward in love.
Remember that humans get caught in wondering; who is the “right” one to connect to: Archangels, other Guides, Higher Selves, God/ Source? As long are we are intending to connect with those beings of the highest white light and for our highest and greatest good, and using discernment, really, we can’t do it wrong. Whoever we feel most drawn to, or in touch with in that moment is who to connect with and also know that you can call forward any guide you would like to. We cannot insult or omit anyone and they are all connected with everything, everywhere and always our family. They know it, we do not. But as our consciousness expands we will begin to remember these connections.
A short story to help trigger further remembering for other people; because once we start to allow ourselves to heal and allow we can have some wonderful, what I call, light bulb moments. My Grandmother was adopted and raised with 6 other kids in a very small village and became an Air-Force safety officer’s wife for 30 yrs, a proper lady and a strict Catholic. This might sound funny today, and damnit I’m not that old, but where I lived was so small that when I was a kid going out anywhere into the city such as the mall was a big deal. You got cleaned up, dressed up, put your makeup on, did your hair and wore nice shoes when you went shopping because you would be seen. We can laugh but my Grandmother still clearly remembers the day she was "Allowed" to wear pants. She is also from a time period or generation that has decided to not deal with emotions or feelings, deeming them a weakness and a waste of time. Yet she had to deal with the death of 2 of her children before she was 48. My mother was one of them and died in the 80’s and my grandmother couldn't and didn't speak about her for about the first 20 yrs after her passing. I was really trying to be considerate of my grandmother’s feelings but I really wanted to know something, anything, about my Mom. I asked the same question for years, and she usually tell me she didn’t have time for that right now, but then one day out of the blue, it happened and the first story to come from her about my mother was very surprising:
Me: “Come on Nan, tell me something about Mom and us all doing something together” Nan: “Well, you know, it was really embarrassing to try to take you out shopping anywhere.” Me: “Oh? Why?” Nan: “You were always fidgeting, talked all the time and everywhere we went, you always had so many questions but worse than that was the scene you would always make most times we were out.” Me: “I'd make a scene? I know I've never liked dresses, so what did I do flash people or something?” Nan: “Not always, but when we would first get to the mall or where ever and surrounded by a bunch of people you would cause a big scene, talking really loud about how that if your "friends" couldn't come in with you, that you weren't going to go anywhere until they came in.” Me: "My friends?" Nan: "Yes, your imaginary friends". Paused to think for a moment and of course the brain wants to go to a logical problem and I think about how the small city mall had revolving doors on both ends and of course to little me, this must have been what I thought to be a major problem. But I didn't know what else to say, Me:“Really?” Nan: “Yes. Oh Lord, yes and you'd go on yelling & crying throwing a fit like it was the worst thing in the world. You would lay down on the floor, pull your dress over your head or kick & scream that you weren't going to go anywhere without your "friends”. Me: “Really? So you remember I had imaginary friends, that's really weird I don’t. So what would you guys do?” Nan: “Well I didn’t do anything, I made your Mother do it until she wasn’t here anymore & then I mostly ignored you or told you to be quiet, but you still talked to them, whoever they were, & everywhere we went. It was so embarrassing.”
I heard this same story for years afterwards; it seemed it was safe for her to talk about because she had already talked about it before. She has not shared many other stories in the 35+ years of her passing so it is a story that has been ingrained in my head. A cherished story of a memory I didn't have. Then at some point the feeling of it actually changed for me and it became upsetting. I had heard it so many times, with the same tones of voice when she spoke about how I embarrassed her, how I wasn't and didn't act like a lady... bla bla bla. It felt like it had turned from being a story to being a continuous and ongoing personal jab and insult, because as an adult, I still talked a lot, asked a lot of questions and am not traditionally lady like. But I've moved through a lot of healing about that and we're the one's that we have to remember not to take things so personally.
Imagine my surprise years later as I move onto this path of channeling and mediumship when during a group meditation with the intention of a past life regression session, when I unexpectedly went back there to one of those times as a child with my Mother and Grandmother. I went back to one of those times when I was a child and we had just walked through the revolving doors at the mall. I was little and we had just stepped inside the doors a few steps and were surrounded by people coming and going. I noticed it was really smelly from all the perfumes and that I was very upset. My Mom was there and she was down on one knee looking me in the eye, empathizing for me, yet also pleading with me at the same time: “Please Carrie, we need to go”, as my Grandmother stood a few steps away, alternatively staring and huffing at us and looking away and then heard her say to my Mom: “Get that kid straightened out and let's go, she's embarrassing us”. My Mom turned herself back to me, rolling her eyes about her mother and I felt she wanted to support me and wanted her own mother to stop, but quickly started pleading with me again to go because she knew she wouldn't. My mom knew she was going to have to hear about it too. Then, the cool part of the memory, I saw a bright light back towards the revolving door which was outside & then the bright light outside shrank down in size, came through the glass doors to my side and told me the Dragon was not coming inside right now and that he would be on the roof. I instantly calmed down and said to my mother: “Okay, Big Bright guy is here, (that was how I referred to Mikey or Archangel Michael at that time) we can go now.” I saw the confusion and relief ripple across my mother's eyes at the same time and then she smiled at me and got up off her knees, grabbed my hand and we walked towards my Grandmother, as I walked and chitter chattered away.
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